Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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