Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
