Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
