I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
