so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
not ubering you a puppy
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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