Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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