Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
