Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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