We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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