Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
