The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
