my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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