My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
