The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize