So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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