I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
