im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
