Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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