My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Your penis caused this!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
