I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
