Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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