She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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