apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
