why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
