I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
