so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
