Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
