I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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