you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize