This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize