I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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