Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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