I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
