Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize