Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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