Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
