I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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