she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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