More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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