He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
