They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
