it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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