I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize