Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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