when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
