You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
