Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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