He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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