Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
