My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
