hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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