i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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