Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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