New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
