you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
