The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
