...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
