I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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