hotel room ftw
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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