after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize