none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
