I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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