...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He did a backflip because drugs
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