road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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