cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
