he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
