haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
