I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
