You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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