Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize