You made me cry and you don't even care
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
