biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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