How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
