I cockslap morals
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize