..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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