hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i drank out of a bidet.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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