Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
