Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
