He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
