just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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