I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize