the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I love you.
Bad choice
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
