I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
