ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
