oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
